9!3 284: (one word)

Worry. Don't. We. Will. All. Float. On. Alright. Ready. I. Need. To. Turn. Off. My. Music. Or. I'll. keep. Writing. Lyrics. To. Whatever. I'm. Listening to.

Okay. Good. Happy. Girls. Lame. Party. Dance. AFTER. Son. Of. The. Bit*h. Dog. Puppy. Cat. Kitten. Marshall. I. Will. Miss you. <\3. Play. Guitar. Music. Strings. Floating. Bridges. Suck. Unwind. Tune. Time. Signatures. Metronome. Beats. Per. Minute. 60. Seconds. Scales. Dragons. Dragonvale. Rainbow. Gay. Rights. Just. Pass. It. Nobody. Cares. About. Gays. Just. Keep. It. Away. From. My. Kids. Norm. Social. Facebook. Twitter. Tweet. Bird. Angry. Caw. Moscow. Russia..?

Yeah I think so.

Think. Brain. Blood. Gore. SHINU. BOND. ORGANS! PULMONARY SYSTEMS!!!! I. Spent. 15. Minutes. Finding. That. Last. string. From. Zombies.

This. Is. A. Lot. Of. Periods. Anger. P. M. S. hit. Chocolate. Happy. Flowers. Tears. Tear. Child. Cry. Baby. Justin. Bieber. Timberlake. Lonely. Island. Hawaii. Israel kamiakawakiole. Spelling. Errors. Error. Computer. Programming. Vawdrey. Is. SATAN. ritual. Robes. Candles. Lightning. Pentagram. Cuts. Blade. Veins. Death. Sacrifice. End.

Take me back.

I went to the place we first kissed tonight. I sat there and thought.

I thought and I thought.

Now what I thought about could have been better, I'll admit that, but it made me realize something.

It made me realize how much I waste my time on you.

How much I waste my time trying to IMPRESS you.

How much I waste my time trying tiger your approval.

To get your love.

To get a kiss or something to help me go on.

How I waste my time telling you you're beautiful, because you don't even think twice about it.

How I waste my time trying to get a smile out of you because you can't smile at me for God. Knows. Why.

I thought about how I waste my time trying to get you back, when I know I never will.

I waste my time telling you I love you because I know you don't love me too. At least....

Not the way I do....

I just want to hold your hand. Link your fingers into mine. Hold it tight and get so close to you.

So close That I can feel your heart

Beat.

Beat.

Beating in your chest.

I waste my time thinking about that. Wishing and waiting for you to want me back.

I waste my time writing this, and I waste my time hurting myself emotionally because of you.

I'm doing it to myself. And I wish I could go back.

To the day I first kissed you.

Before it all went to hell.

When I knew I could call you mine and know what it's like to have someone love me back.

Oh take me back.

Take me back to the start.

I feel so tired, but cannot sleep.

I'm so tired. But I can't sleep without you.

Because you are killing me.
Sliding your way into my thoughts.
Into my nightmares and killing my dreams.

You tell me your lies,
And I cannot replace
The words that you tell me
With feelings of grace.
I'm sick of the pain
And your beautiful face.
I want to just run
And Just go... To escape.

I am sick of being ignored
Sick of being told what to do.
You can't deal with my pain
Because I'm just sick of you.

I won't go away, I won't hurt somewhere else, because you need to see pain and to see what I felt.

You need to see how I'm sick
Sick from disease. Disease from who?
Disease from you.

I'm sick of being ignored
And brushed off like dust
On the shelf of the hoard.

The hoard of afflicted, the sick, and the weak.
All victims of your seed.

So I'm sick if being under appreciated for the love that I show.
I will reap what I sow, get back what you owe. I'm canceling your favorite show. We've pulled the plug, we've closed the curtain. Now drink deep this cup of poison and drag a blade right through your veins and say goodbye.

direct orders

I want you to scream. SHOUT. scream like you're at a haunted house and just got jumped by a decaying body.

Shout like you are a military training officer, to your puny pathetic trainees.

Shout Like you're finally the most powerful person in the world. Stand up from your throne and laugh maniacally because you can snap your fingers and have anything you've ever wanted.

Let that power surge through your body. Feel that burning in your chest, like you just conquered your worst enemy. Which is the world. You've conquered the world.

Now I want you to shout. Shout. Let it all out.

Like THESE are the THINGS I CAN DO WITHOUT.

Scream like you've awoken from a terrible nightmare... One where your loved ones all perished in an awful accident.

Then you will pull the covers over you and thank God that you still have them. Because without them, you would scream.

Now scream at the sky because God can't tell you what to do! Shout to him and tell him to leave you the hell alone, and that you didn't deserve this!

Scream like you're the vocalist in a metal band. Like your career depended on it, because it does.

Shout because you're in your car alone, outside her house. And you just wanted to hold her the whole time, and you couldn't.

Shout vulgarities to your steering wheel while you almost pull your hair out, because you're so frustrated that you can't have her.

then burst into tears, while you question your self worth.

Shout your questions to God.

Scream HELP! To God because you need his help to know what you new to do.

Just scream. And shout.

Just scream.

Just shout.

Until your throat bleeds.

Jealousy.

Jealousy is a sick thing.

Wait. I think I've used that as an intro already...

Jealousy is unhealthy.

Because even when you know you basically have them, you still worry about other people.

I don't need to worry... But I do.
I worry that I'm just another one of your toys.

God dammit I've used that one too.

I've already used all my good words on you. And you don't even read them.

All I can say to you is that I'm jealous. I want you so badly, and I know other people do, too. Because you're beautiful. You're so beautiful. You're as beautiful as the first bloomed flower in spring.

As beautiful as a newborn child.

No, no, that's awful. Never mind.

I'm just jealous. Goodbye.

Things Duct tape can't fix.

Duct tape can't fix a broken heart. Trust me. I've tried. And it didn't work.

And when I had to rip the duct tape off my paper heart, it made it worse. Because the only thing that can fix a broken heart is the one who broke it. Because we want them to fix it. Only then will we be happy.

Duct tape can't fix the stupid things I say to her. It can prevent me from saying them....

But it can't fix the way I hurt her, when I'm only trying to get her back.

"Some day we can try again," she says.

Now don't get me wrong, that gives me hope, but how many people has she said that to? Has it lost its meaning, like everything else you say to me?

How many other boys is she going to "try again with"?


I don't wanna know....

I just want to try again now.

Because this time I won't screw up so bad.

I wish duct tape could fix all of this.

Go to school.

Go to school. You need to learn. You need an understanding.

And understanding of what the hell I'm going through.

And why.

Every single day I wake up and the first thing I think of is you. And how I wish I could wake up next to you.

And every time I see you, I wish how I could just embrace you and cry on your shoulder and tell you how much I missed you. And I wish I could kiss you whenever I want.

But what do I get?

Every day?

A quick hello.

A high five.

Maybe you'll even ignore me.

You'll go out of your way not to see my face. Because my face is ugly. Maybe not in complexion, but in personality.

I'm a freak. Nobody likes me. They call me "the kid who hates everything." Stay away from that fag.

When all I want is someone to love me.

And I want that someone to be you.

Every night I come home, climb in bed and contemplate hurting myself. Only you would understand that...

It hurts so good. The way my flesh burns when I drag a blade through my veins for you.

It's for you, my love.

But you've probably stopped reading this by now. Because nobody really cares about what I'm feeling. Or what I want. Right?

Because all I need is oxygen and that's a given. He doesn't need anything else. So let's not give him any understanding friends, relatives, or anything.

Oh except the girl he wants so badly. The girl he'd take a bullet for. Who knows what it's like to hurt. Who can relate to him and help him feel better. We'll make her out of his reach. We'll make her TAUNT him with her beauty and wondrous kisses just to the point where the butchering being done to his heart feels like butterflies.

Now if only you'd have read the whole thing. And taken it into consideration. Goodbye.

Life and death.

That's the question, love. Which to choose from?

Life and death are the reasons You're here.

Dear death,

To take life is your sickening quest.

You have mastered the art of deception, you lovely monster. You are a master of disguise. A sick mistress.

Because sometimes I see you there ready to catch me when I fall, you seem like the answer to all my questions!

Why are we here?
Why did this happen to me?
What did I do to deserve this?

This ABUSE! This HEARTBREAK! No no I can't just have a happy LIFE! For you are DEATH! And all you want is for people to be miserable like you.

However, sometimes, I feel like I want to be miserable like you. It gives me a feeling of self security. Because when I'm miserable, my expectations are low. And when they are low, my bitter-sweet friend, your mortal enemy life comes in and saves the day.


Oh dear life,

why can't you stay with me at all times? Why can't you wrap your wondrous warm arms around me and carry me to the heavens?

Because that would require death.

So let me rephrase that.

Dearest death,
Why won't you take me into your sweet crimson, velvet Luke-warm arms and hold me forever? Just take me away from all this hurt.

Because you keep taking my friends, and according to the board, they're having a fantastic time without life.

Just take me with you next time you leave. I'll pack up my bags and grasp onto your hand, take a big breath and...

And....

Jump.

Acquainted life (since you are not so dear to me),
Goodbye. I am never coming back. Death has agreed to take me with him. His silky dark robes have engulfed me completely and--