Depression doesn't always mean you're suicidal. Not always. It sometimes mean you'll cross the road and not bother to look both ways, because you just don't care. 

Well then, be honest with me, please. Am I just a dog chasing a car again? Am I just waiting for a few more days before I get in another emotional car wreck? Because my heart has felt like it's been worn as a pair of shoes for the past year or so, and I can't take much more of it. 

2

Humans are born to live. From the moment you are thrown into the universe, you breathe. eat. drink. procreate. It is what we do as living organisms. 

But why would one procreate, let alone find a reason to stay alive, without something to stay alive for? Humans don't stay alive for the sake of survival,but rather for the sake of things that bring purpose. 

Religion. 

Art.

Music. 

Love. 

In an endless oblivion of darkness and space, humans are the only species primitive enough to care. You must do what you love. 

The best things in life always end in conflict. That is why humans are primitive. 

Just find me a reason or a way out.

I fucking hate sharing a room. Because, pardon my language, but sometimes I just need to scream at the top of my lungs how much I hate myself and the decisions I make to fall for anyone's shit spewing from their mouth any time they say they ever even thought twice about how I felt for once. I have to suffocate on my own tears until either I fall asleep, or I just die. And I know it's not what I'll want in the log run, but my bones supporting chest can't handle this earthquake my heart is putting on much longer. I just can't be here. I just can't find a reason. 

I'm so afraid to even speak, because the stitches you sewed on my lips are so fragile, I'm afraid of breaking them. 

~a.j