As I start the car and then I begin
To add the miles piled up behind me
I barely feel a smile deep inside me
And I begin to envy the headlights driving south
I want to crack the door so I can just fall out
But then I remember when you packed my car
You reached in the back and buckled up your heart
For me to drive away with
I began to understand
Why God died
...
I feel unsafe with the door open, and the covers off my cold skin, not afraid of the ghosts getting in, but of letting my ghosts out. I hold my door closed as tight as your hand, because I don't know which would be more dangerous to let go of.
I feel unsafe when my stereo is off, I feel like my mind will crack, and when something hollow cracks, it caves in, and I don't want my mind to cave in more than my heart. Turn on the stereo, and play something complex enough to mask the thoughts.
I beg every night to just fall asleep before the music stops, because though I can dream up a world where it's fall 24/7, I can't flip the record while I'm asleep. So I shut my eyes and wait for the static to stop the traffic, and even though I think speaking less will make me happy, it only keeps More of my thoughs trapped inside, oh why, God why can't I find some peace of mind, somewhere where I can bury my bones?
