I've become lost here. Lost in this world where nothing on the outside matters. And oh it must be such a different world to which those on the outside exist. The outside of Paris. What's it like, I've almost forgotten.
I remember my first day in Paris. I was in love, and I was such a tourist. It was so embarrassing how many bags I had carried with me, bags full of materialistic things.
But by the second day, I had moved in. And my baggage started to loosen out. Over the next six or so days, I realized that those materialistic things I brought from the outside world are not necessary in Paris. For everything there is everything compared to everything in the outside world.
In Paris, I got my first taste of creativity. The way the words tingled my taste buds and the inspiration made me close my eyes and wonder what I had been eating the rest of my life.
Paris was where I bought my first journal. Where I first started to fill those Manilla colored blank pages with the words from my mind. Those words turned into a sweet prescriptive remedy for my lost thoughts and tears.
Paris was where I learned how to live. How to breathe correctly, as if I had been doing it wrong all these years, and now that it taught me, I feel like my lungs can fill themselves with twice the air as before.
Every morning in Paris, I would wake up to the beautiful smell of rain and coffee. As I slowly unpacked my things, becoming less of a tourist, I would take a sip of the delicious Folger's coffee and breathe.
Just.
Breathe.
I wouldn't ever need to head off to work, because in Paris, work is the last thing on your mind. I'd just ride to the Eiffel Tower to write poetry every morning with my cup of coffee. I rode the bus, and every morning, the same man sat next to me on the bus, and the same woman... Well I think they used to be together. They would both sit across from me, her head on his shoulders, the man wearing fingerless gloves, scraggly brown hair, dark thick scruff, and had a cup of earl grey with him. I did, however, see his paintbrush sticking out of his pocket. What did he bring them on the bus for?
The woman wore a faded filthy pink trench coat every morning... Before they broke up. She had a beautiful but simple ring on her finger, she would fiddle with constantly. Spinning it around her finger, because in the cold, her fingers shrunk too small for the ring to fit perfectly. Her hair was long and brown. A bit tangly, she wore brown boots that were covered in mud. How on earth did they get like that? Why doesn't she clean them?
But now, I see them standing on opposite ends of the bus. The man sits next to me and doesn't say a word, nor does he smile. His paint brush he no longer carries in his pocket. The woman is always standing up. Leaning her head against the pole of the bus, now wearing a clean grey trench coat. She would feel her finger as if to start spinning the ring that was no longer there, no mark left, because her skin was pale as snow. She starts to tear up every morning, now, and the world seems to have lost most of its saturation. Almost every day it rains, which comes as no surprise. But it still seems a bit darker than when the woman wore her pink coat.
And when I got off the bus to go to the Eiffel Tower, the man used to always get off at the same time, and go to a dark alley way.
Today I decided to visit that alleyway.
In it was a huge painting, not finished.
I continued with my business like always. Walking around the tower, thousands of people trying to sell me things, like I was a tourist. Don't buy any of it. It's much too expensive. Overpriced miniature towers, snow globes, and stupid t shirts.
I miss the bus occasionally, and when I do, I don't mind. Sure it's a bit cold, but the streets of Paris are beautiful. The bustling crowds, the smell of bread, coffee, and rain on the asphalt delighted my senses, and the best part, nobody would bother me. They would mind their own business, as if they knew I hated physical confrontation.
I hope some day you'll move in with me, my love, for it is a true wonder here in Paris.
My best regards,
Yours truly.
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
Sunday, December 9, 2012
I'm jealous of Scotland.
This poem isn't really published yet. It was written by Roah Biesinger himself, and it makes me so jealous, and it inspire me to write my poetry the way I write now:
SCOTLAND:
My heart is a pine tree.
When it goes to seed
I scoop all the pinecones up into my oak tree arms and put them in a bag
slung over my shoulder.
Everywhere we meet,
I take one out
and plant it.
In a few years there will be a pinetree in every hallway, and on every staircase of lone peak.
A new pinetree will be growing strong in pioneer park.
There will be a pinetree at City Creek
and there will be a pinetree at Randy’s Records.
there will be a pine tree at every stop light of the alpine highway.
There will be a pinetree in front of deercreek elementary.
There will be a pinetree in wallmart
right infront of checkstand 13
There will be a pinetree growing out of every poem I’ve ever wrote.
One day, as you lay in my bed, I’ll cut your chest open like a letter
plant a pinecone under that eifel tower heart,
and leave.
I’ll leave you,
and that tree will grow a decade every day that I’m gone.
It will swallow all 1,665 steps of your heart.
And when it comes time, it will drop it’s children all around,
and they’ll grow taller and taller,
chasing their father,
their grandfather,
their great grandfather.
On and on,
till they declare your chest a national forest.
Then, I’ll return.
I’ll kneel over top of you,
and I’ll carve a poem into your chest:
Oh Jerusalem
I turned back and was not turned to stone.
Oh Jerusalem
Not even God could destroy you.
Let me hold you in these oak trees
The scars from the axes will heal.
Then I’ll cut your wrists
and place a pillow over your face.
Your hands dancing
smearing blood over my neck and face.
Then I’ll drag your body to Box Elders Peak, pull your matted hair so your face is to the sky.
Fistfuls of blonde in hair
Face to God
Standing on weakened feet.
I’ll call for God
and when he comes, I will not bow
or kneel,
or humble myself before him.
And, as loud as I can scream,
God will only hear a whisper,
I dragged the blonde haired beauty
I dragged her beauty
with every question of love man has ever asked bolted to her ankles.
Here is my sacrifice,
the blonde haired beauty with a heart of Paris, a national forest in her chest, and a tounge that can only sing.
Feet that only dance to the saddest chellos.
and when she walks, even flash Gordon falls to his knees.
Here is my sacrifice; the blonde haired beauty
The beauty that grew as a disease on my eyes
and across my brain,
controlling my hands
and the movements of my head,
controlling my thoughts
telling me where to walk
what to eat
what to write
what to sing
when to fish
when to try to
kill myself
when to take my head out of the noose
when to sleep
where to go when I sleep
So here is your blonde haired beauty,
Now take me.
Take me to California
where the brunette walks with skirts dragging along the ground
and the slightest accent in her voice is rarely heard
because she rarely speaks
because the swarms of pigeons
are not strong enough,
and can not fly fast enough
to carry every message from her brain, out of her mouth.
Let me fall into her bed,
where the silence sits
holding every message
the pigeons could not carry.
This poem makes me so jealous because its so genius. I love the beginning, how it describes his heart being a pine tree, and that he plants seeds everywhere they met. And how it ties in with the line "until they declare your chest a national forest." I love that line because it is so perfect and worded amazingly, and I can relate to it so well. This poem is a true work of art, and I'm so jealous of the way roah writes his poetry. I strive to be as hipster as him one day *gets clubbed to death for even thinking that*
SCOTLAND:
My heart is a pine tree.
When it goes to seed
I scoop all the pinecones up into my oak tree arms and put them in a bag
slung over my shoulder.
Everywhere we meet,
I take one out
and plant it.
In a few years there will be a pinetree in every hallway, and on every staircase of lone peak.
A new pinetree will be growing strong in pioneer park.
There will be a pinetree at City Creek
and there will be a pinetree at Randy’s Records.
there will be a pine tree at every stop light of the alpine highway.
There will be a pinetree in front of deercreek elementary.
There will be a pinetree in wallmart
right infront of checkstand 13
There will be a pinetree growing out of every poem I’ve ever wrote.
One day, as you lay in my bed, I’ll cut your chest open like a letter
plant a pinecone under that eifel tower heart,
and leave.
I’ll leave you,
and that tree will grow a decade every day that I’m gone.
It will swallow all 1,665 steps of your heart.
And when it comes time, it will drop it’s children all around,
and they’ll grow taller and taller,
chasing their father,
their grandfather,
their great grandfather.
On and on,
till they declare your chest a national forest.
Then, I’ll return.
I’ll kneel over top of you,
and I’ll carve a poem into your chest:
Oh Jerusalem
I turned back and was not turned to stone.
Oh Jerusalem
Not even God could destroy you.
Let me hold you in these oak trees
The scars from the axes will heal.
Then I’ll cut your wrists
and place a pillow over your face.
Your hands dancing
smearing blood over my neck and face.
Then I’ll drag your body to Box Elders Peak, pull your matted hair so your face is to the sky.
Fistfuls of blonde in hair
Face to God
Standing on weakened feet.
I’ll call for God
and when he comes, I will not bow
or kneel,
or humble myself before him.
And, as loud as I can scream,
God will only hear a whisper,
I dragged the blonde haired beauty
I dragged her beauty
with every question of love man has ever asked bolted to her ankles.
Here is my sacrifice,
the blonde haired beauty with a heart of Paris, a national forest in her chest, and a tounge that can only sing.
Feet that only dance to the saddest chellos.
and when she walks, even flash Gordon falls to his knees.
Here is my sacrifice; the blonde haired beauty
The beauty that grew as a disease on my eyes
and across my brain,
controlling my hands
and the movements of my head,
controlling my thoughts
telling me where to walk
what to eat
what to write
what to sing
when to fish
when to try to
kill myself
when to take my head out of the noose
when to sleep
where to go when I sleep
So here is your blonde haired beauty,
Now take me.
Take me to California
where the brunette walks with skirts dragging along the ground
and the slightest accent in her voice is rarely heard
because she rarely speaks
because the swarms of pigeons
are not strong enough,
and can not fly fast enough
to carry every message from her brain, out of her mouth.
Let me fall into her bed,
where the silence sits
holding every message
the pigeons could not carry.
This poem makes me so jealous because its so genius. I love the beginning, how it describes his heart being a pine tree, and that he plants seeds everywhere they met. And how it ties in with the line "until they declare your chest a national forest." I love that line because it is so perfect and worded amazingly, and I can relate to it so well. This poem is a true work of art, and I'm so jealous of the way roah writes his poetry. I strive to be as hipster as him one day *gets clubbed to death for even thinking that*
Monday, December 3, 2012
Man up. (Dye-a-log)
"It'll be good for both of us" she said as she hugged me for a long time, both of us knowing that it would be our last touch of affection.
"How do you know? How do you know that this won't destroy our relationship?" I asked her as I looked into the deep blue ocean of her eyes, which were as wet as the ocean itself.
"I... I don't. I just think that it's best that we both go our separate ways," she replied with great remorse.
"Oh...well...alright....," I said with a deep sigh. "Can- can I at least get one more kiss?" I said, holding back tears.
There was a long pause with nothing but her sniffles and sobs.
"No. I. I can't do that.. I'm sorry," she ran into her home and left me on her porch alone with nothing to comfort me but the cool crispy November night air.
I walked back to my car and slowly got inside to start taking it in.
My heart then started speaking to me as I listened to Sparks by Coldplay.
My heart: Hey man. Don't you fret. I'm just going to sink down to your stomach for a bit, just while I tell you something. You don't need that girl. I know she just cut everything off with you. Like the life support. But just think about this.. You're in high school. You don't even know what love is. This girl didn't love you! She just came to your house to make out with you! Every time, you thought she loved you, but only when you two are sucking FACE. She is a liar, and didn't do anything for you.
Me: But heart, I love her.
Heart: QUIT YOUR BULLLLLSHIT, SON! She may be the most beautiful girl you've ever seen, *mocking tone* but she is done with you. She wouldn't even give you a last kiss. Who's she sure loves you. God what a joke this girl is. She cheated on you! And you just FORGAVE HER! And she even said that she kissed back!!
Me: but then she instantly ran back to her car and left him!
Heart: oh come on. You're really gonna believe that bullshit? You should kill that Conner kid. He sounds like an ass, KISSING YOUR DAMN GIRLFRIEND!
Me: heart, stop it. You're making it worse.
Heart: just don't forgive her, ok? She will come running back to you, and don't you DARE take her back. Or I will make it twice as worse for you when it's over. Ill sink so far down your chest, that I won't even be connected to you anymore. Then it'll be REAL heartbreak. MAN UP.
"How do you know? How do you know that this won't destroy our relationship?" I asked her as I looked into the deep blue ocean of her eyes, which were as wet as the ocean itself.
"I... I don't. I just think that it's best that we both go our separate ways," she replied with great remorse.
"Oh...well...alright....," I said with a deep sigh. "Can- can I at least get one more kiss?" I said, holding back tears.
There was a long pause with nothing but her sniffles and sobs.
"No. I. I can't do that.. I'm sorry," she ran into her home and left me on her porch alone with nothing to comfort me but the cool crispy November night air.
I walked back to my car and slowly got inside to start taking it in.
My heart then started speaking to me as I listened to Sparks by Coldplay.
My heart: Hey man. Don't you fret. I'm just going to sink down to your stomach for a bit, just while I tell you something. You don't need that girl. I know she just cut everything off with you. Like the life support. But just think about this.. You're in high school. You don't even know what love is. This girl didn't love you! She just came to your house to make out with you! Every time, you thought she loved you, but only when you two are sucking FACE. She is a liar, and didn't do anything for you.
Me: But heart, I love her.
Heart: QUIT YOUR BULLLLLSHIT, SON! She may be the most beautiful girl you've ever seen, *mocking tone* but she is done with you. She wouldn't even give you a last kiss. Who's she sure loves you. God what a joke this girl is. She cheated on you! And you just FORGAVE HER! And she even said that she kissed back!!
Me: but then she instantly ran back to her car and left him!
Heart: oh come on. You're really gonna believe that bullshit? You should kill that Conner kid. He sounds like an ass, KISSING YOUR DAMN GIRLFRIEND!
Me: heart, stop it. You're making it worse.
Heart: just don't forgive her, ok? She will come running back to you, and don't you DARE take her back. Or I will make it twice as worse for you when it's over. Ill sink so far down your chest, that I won't even be connected to you anymore. Then it'll be REAL heartbreak. MAN UP.
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