I wonder if Alcoholics Anonymous would let me go through the 12 step suite to help me get over this 

I need new friends.

I feel like I can't say a single word I need to, and that nothing I say is my own. I just want to be heard, and I just want to be listened to. 

I hung my head

I pray for forgiveness, for soon I'll be dead. 

I hung my head. 

I hung my head. 

I hung my head. 

2013 - Another letter you'll never read.

January - I see you standing there, so close, yet so far away, being warmed by another, who would soon leave for war. And I knew your love for me was just not in the cards. 

But a boy can dream. 

February - today is the fourteenth, the day run by love, the saddest day of the year. Joel once said that valentines day was a holiday made up by card companies. It's a pathetic holiday. Anyway, today you told me that you were alone of this day, and I think I like you. You know how much I've always cared about you. 

March- I can't believe I kissed you last night. I haven't wen this happy since the first time I gave up my heart. There isn't anyone I'd rather spend my nights with. And now, today is the 21st, and today I will ask you to be my girlfriend. You said yes! And I am the happiest man on earth. 

June-July - you have made me so happy, and told me that you love me, and you tell me every single day. So I think it's time I let my gates down for you. 

If only you could hear how I talked about you. "She is the most beautiful girl I have ever met." 

"She is the best girlfriend a guy could ask for. And I'm so glad to call her mine."

I tell my friends how lucky I am to have you. I love you. 

August - we had the best summer of our lives. Laying down together until the early hours of the morning, just taking into the night. But summer is over now, and you're going to school on the 15th. 

I'm a bit scared though Zan, you keep getting mad at me, but you say we can try to make it work while you're gone. So I just keep telling myself it will be okay. She's just stressed for school.

 Today's the 15th. I helped you pack up for school, and I kissed you goodbye as you got in your car and begun your journey to a new life. I really hope this works out. I love you. 

Today is the 28th. You tell me I need to get Skype, so I can see your beautiful face every night. But it turns out that just wasn't enough. I clearly don't have good listening skills, like you said, because even now I don't understand why you left me. 

You didn't tell me this, but you kissed another boy a couple days ago. I'm a bit sad, and a little confused, but I forgive you! I still love you! I'm not gonna give up on this perfect girl. 

September- it's been a cold month without you here. You've kissed a lot of boys and my friend tells me that's helped you get to know who you are. I haven't heard a lot from you, but I still text you every morning, and I call you every night just hoping you'll change your mind. 

Tonight I drove up to see you at 2:00 in the morning. It was worth every penny, and you even gave me a hug. That was the first time I'd been happy since you smashed my gates....

But you told me you couldn't lead me on anymore, and at that moment, I think everyone could watch and see the exact moment my heart snapped in two pieces. I know you could, and it hasn't been the same ever since. I look inside your big green eyes and a bit of me dies. 

October - I sit and wait, resisting that ugly blade, waiting for you to come down, so we can have that date you promised me. You know, that one where we made meaningless love on that sinful rug just like we used to. And as I'd feel you, I knew it wasn't as real as it had been in May. When your smile and those eyes just seemed so happy to be mine. 

But I would sell my soul to you. 

November was a month where you didn't say a word. A month of regret, nightmares and false smiles I covered up with a lie, and wishes for February all over again. 

December you're now engaged to a man you don't even know. And you have no fucking idea how broken I am when I hear your name. 

I got one text from you today, three words, not the one's I'd hoped for, but a few that I needed. 

I see you standing there, so close yet so far away, being warmed by another. And I knew your love for me was just not in the cards. 

But a boy can dream. 

I hate being depressed. People gather around spewing sympathy. Spare me. 

Hope

I belong on the island of misfit toys. I'm too broken to be played with anymore, and just like that toy car or that ship you probably broke too, you left me on the shelf. I can only hope that this mistletoe and those lights can put me back together again so I can forget about you, and stop writing these blank letters that nobody reads anymore. 

Deleting

I'm sorry, red. I'm sorry this broken heart wasn't enough for you. I'm sorry that I couldn't make you happy. I'm sorry I couldn't convert you to outbacks or watch a walk to remember with you, or analyze octavarium. Cause I was lookin forward to it. 

But I'd like you to be happy, and I'd like I thank you for making me happy. 

See what I did there? That was for you.

I've never had a poem written about me before. But now that I have, it sucks. 

Having a poem written about you is kinda like getting your name pulled out of the jar of tributes. 

You're fucked.