Deep dark fears come true

So afraid but so happy.

I don't think I've ever driven so fast in my life. 

You asked me how I beat you, and I tell you I have no idea, but I know it's because I was driving a hundred miles an hour to see you. 

You were right there, in my arms, and I was happier than a puppy whose owner was gone to the grocery store for an hour. But it felt like you were a mile away, and maybe it's just me, overthinking things as always, but I hope when the ball drops that you'll be my first kiss of the new year, but I have to prepare myself for a mental holocaust when you don't even reply tonight. 

Thinking out loud (onto a blank page)

I've been thinking a lot lately, and about the friendship we have; this beautiful, nocturnal friendship. And how I wish this nocturne could be transposed. Maybe just give me a sign, a sign that this repeating measure can end and the first verse can begin. 

I've been thinking of fear. And how I know your head is full of it. I just want you to make the right decision, and I want you to want me, even though it may sound selfish; but I need to do something for me. 

I've been thinking that I hope you feel the same way. And I've been thinking that I really wonder what you've written, but I promised I wouldn't look. So I'll keep my eyes shut. 

It's a beautiful kind of pain

You've got them on your mind. It doesn't matter who they are, they're on your mind, and you don't know if it's good that they are. In my case, I hope it is, because I'm happy, and I'm always afraid that I can't be for too long. 

I'm afraid to paint because what if one of my colors bleeds into a darker one? I'm afraid that my blood will turn the yellow to orange, and then there won't be any medium to slow me down when I know I should. 

I know I'm happy right where I stand, on the edge of this cliff, holding your hand as tightly as a zipper, just praying that when I fall, you fall with me, so that the splash of hitting the water will hurt less than it would without someone to split the pain. Because the pain I feel that you feel, too, is a beautiful kinda pain. The kinda pain that makes you wanna climb to the top and Jump off together again, and this time maybe kiss on the way down. And if eventually, we die from hitting the water in the wrong way, at least I died happy, and that's all I want. 

For You

We break ourselves down In more than one way. 

I usually find myself bored, and unhappy with my life after two weeks of happiness. 

But for you, it's different. 

For you, I'd crack my door and fall out onto the road because you were alone on the sidelines. I look at your eyes and see something I haven't ever seen in someone, and I can't quite put my finger on it. 

I find myself falling more and more every time I'm with you. 

I find myself thinking of you on a more than regular basis. 

I find my heart pumping life faster than it has for how long it's been beating in sync with yours. 

I hear my voice actually coming from my throat for you, when it never did for her. 

For you, I would write a song with three chords, because my mind is too full of thoughts of you to come up with more. 

For you, I would stop talking to Tammy number two. Which is a big deal. 

For you, I would smile even when it was hard to. 

For you, I would fall from an airplane with no parachute just to have an excuse to jump with you. 

For you, I would spend my sleeping hours with you, because my waking hours aren't enough time to be with you. 

For you, I'd think about taking apart my wall. 

But I wouldn't do it, because I'm afraid. 

Sleep Apnea

maybe if the sun never went down, we would never have to sleep. And when I never have to sleep, I won't stop breathing.