"You can't love someone unless you love yourself."

I never loved myself 

But you....

I loved you so much that I forgot what hating myself felt like. 

Le Farfalle

I find myself unable to think straight, and you make me wonder what I even want. 

I think I love you, but how the hell can I know anything about chemistry if I'm not allowed in the class?

At least I hope what I think is true, and that it's not just my year-young soul, excited and enthralled by the chase. 

And when I have it, I hope my soul doesn't grow old with you, because even after a lifetime in hell, I still find my way back to your eyes, your skin, your lips, there's nothing I don't feel my heart rate increase when I see. 

So take my hand and run and run and run away, onto the beaches, so we can burn it to the ground and I can kiss you by the fire, to the sound of the screams and cries for help which I'll ignore because nothing else matters when I'm with you. 

Innocence & Instinct

You strip me down, the layers fall like rain. 

I want to let down my guard but It's like my heart is my only child, and I have to protect it with my life. 

You circle the pain inside my soul, and reached inside my silence. 

What was found is lost again, and I have nothing to say but

Take it all away. 

I'm in such disbelief at myself for letting it happen again, where my demons in my head hurt me to the point of having to snap. 

I'm breaking I can't do this on my own. 

It all changed one night. 

I looked into your eyes. 

And I liked what I saw. 

Security

Breathe in. 

Breathe out. 

I really hope this works, because I'm getting tired of being tired. Because I want to dance in a ballroom with eyes as blue as that dress, but my guard won't let me. 

I am an addict with a pen.

My trial was filed as a crazy suicidal head case. 

So much pressure

My brain is playing a game with me, and it's trying to tell me what I need, but my heart is too busy looking at what it wants to hear the muffled screams of my thoughts as they're gagged by my depression. 

The kaleidoscope I see things through has been shattered, and I can still see a million of you. 

I can't even focus on writing. It gets harder every day. 

Breakdowns.

for the first time in my life, I didn't want to stop praying. 

I have that empty feeling again

I don't know what to say anymore, because I'm so lost. I thought I knew what I want, happiness.

But all I do want is you. Whether that means my happiness or not. 

I'll give up a thousand lifetimes just to look into your eyes like I used to, because according to you, I got a glowing in mine, as if I looked unbelievably happy. 

And I can't think of any other way to explain it, other than my chest is a disease, and you are my vaccine. Because when I'm with you, the hole in my chest is filled to the brim with what I may consider love. 

Like my chasm is but a small crack in the sidewalk when I'm with you, because that glowing in my eyes is just my soul trying to see yours. 

But I don't know when I'll ever get it, because I want to give her a fair chance. Because I deserve more. But it's almost like I don't want more. I'm perfectly content putting up with my loneliness if it means I get to be as happy as I am when I'm with you.