Astrology

It might be right about you. 

"Cancer, You have been suppressing a certain truth about yourself, Moonchild. Either you can't face that there is a certain something you want, or you are afraid to reveal to someone else that you want it. Most likely this has to do with your love life, or with the affluence of your lifestyle. Your reluctance to reveal this may be the result of your fear that it will never come to pass, or that you will perceived as more vulnerable than you want to be. But whether you reveal it or not, it is still true. Letting this feeling see the light of day could be wonderfully uplifting."

Dreams.

I remember. Up on my seat where I watched the fights of the belittled, I held your hand. Something I never told you as I described this dream. I held your hand and I told you I loved you. And i was allowed to call you "the prettiest cowgirl of them all" as we jumped off the highest tower into the piles of play ground below. I could take the woodchips out of your hair and kiss you with meaning like in 2012. What a memory. And what a future it'd be. 

I find it kinda funny, I find it kinda sad

I can't believe that even after you've caused me to contemplate "checking out," I still pray for your happiness. 

Sorry

Can I just say a big sorry to everyone right now? I'm such a disappointment to everyone I've ever known. 

At last

I rip out the cover page you wrote in, with the same knife I carved out my sorrows. It left a pile of shavings on my bedspread, and I'm left with but a flimsy cover for that beautiful Tuscan journal. But at least now I won't be as sad as I usually am when I open my journal. 

At last

I rip out the cover page you wrote in, with the same knife I carved out my sorrows. It left a pile of shavings on my bedspread, and I'm left with but a flimsy cover for that beautiful Tuscan journal. But at least now I won't be as sad as I usually am when I open my journal. 

She's a student.

Or rather a former tourist, judging by hazel's work. She was just a passerby, just another person walking by the house. 

But this house is so old. Why would anyone be walking by it? And why would they say anything about it?

I read their comment, and my mind was set ablaze with so many different wonders. 

Who is Hazel Grace?

How did she find my blog?

Why did she read it?

Why did she comment such a thing?

They most likely won't read this, cause they've kept walking down the road I assume, but if you do read this, hazel, I stalked your blog. 

And I'm so curious to know your identity. 

What a rush.

All I could see was a flash of your perfect blue eyes before I kissed those oh so familiar lips that brought me back up a notch from the pit I thought I was in. My insides were on fire like they were back in October. My heartbeat took off running at such a fast pace that I couldn't even keep up with it, and I ran out of breath. And I know you'll be watching for this post, and I hope you know that it was just what I needed to be happy. I just hope you don't regret it. 

Remember one of our first dates?

I just kinda realized that it was also our last. Bowling. And your blue plaid shirt with the black leggings. You knew those were my weakness but you still wore them the last time I was in Logan with you. How could you. 

What if I'm never happy again? When am I allowed to kill myself?

I think I could be diagnosed with depression. Because the mornings come too fast, and the night time comes too late. 

You took my heart and sewed it up and put it back in its place. 

But bane, by dear, you took it with you a hundred miles away and put it underneath the tire of your new Subaru. 

And I spend every day trying to cover up the cuts and holding back the tears I feel when someone even mentions your name. 

I try and tell myself I am happy with my selfish desires and hide behind my smile. 

But there's a gap between my teeth that my screams can escape through, and it's on this internet page. 

In that journal where you claimed I was the love of your life.

But the gap isn't big enough for you to hear the wind whistling through it unless you get close to my ribcage, where the ribs have been exposed. The wind sings its sad lullaby through my broken and hollow rib cage. 

And it hurts so much because all your best friends read this. 

And you can all see my pain physically and mentally

But all you can do is tell me to let my

Hopes down because I'll never get an apogy from you. 

And until then, I don't believe this man has changed you like they said.  

Tape can fix everything. Including my mouth.

I told you. And for whatever reason it hurts more than I expected. 

It hurts so bad that this breaking almost tickles. 

And it's a blind eye

That you see with, one that I'm dying to love you from behind the text bubbles that tell you you're gorgeous and that I miss you. 

It always happens like this. I love you when you don't love me. 

I'll smile when I'm happy. 

Goodnight

I know you aren't looking for me right now 

And I'm not necessarily looking for you. 

But I see you, and I want you for my own again. 

We must look towards...

The FUTURE!! 

Cause hopefully I have another future with you. Your smile brighter than my grammar usage. 

Your eyes the size of the moon, color of the sky, beckoning me to come back home again into your arms. 

Wishful thinking I guess.

My brother just ripped ass in his sleep

0:30

Stop 

Piano 

I wanna go home

Vera

Hopeless romantic

It's a real shame I have to be the way I am.

there's one person who still reads this, when they should have no reason to.  

There's one person who's always been here for me 

And one perso who will always care. 

One person who really understands my feelings and won't criticize me for them. 

Because their brain is just as upside down as mine is. 

Because their arms are just as cross-hatched as mine are. 

Because their stomach has been flipped inside out just like mine is. 

Because they're someone who will hold my hand through this hard time and squeeze it as they say 

"We'll make it out." 

And it's a pain in the ass that I have to have feelings for multiple people. Especially this one. 

Because feeling my hand through your hair, or looking at those emerald blue eyes is like being back with an old friend. 

A friend you had to lose because you took what you could get. And what you got was 5 months of happiness and sheer joy followed by five months of physical tiredness from depression, nagging on by friends saying "get over her already." 

I just hope I can stop breaking people and pulling them under with me. 

The bereta

I hang my head in shame as I hand you my last card. And now you've taken the cards of so many, and left nothing for the rest of us. 

The same way we feel inside.