Vessel

I've always had a fear that because I've been so emotionally destroyed, that'd I'd never be able to feel the way I should when someone close to me passed away. I learned the hard way today that the heartache I felt actually could get worse. I don't know if it just hasn't hit me yet, but the second I touched her hand, though lifeless, it was warm, and the dam behind my eyes burst like a balloon. I still don't think it's even hit me completely but what confuses me the most is how life is so fragile and easy to break. Hers was broken in the blink of an eye, though the length of a nightmare, this week has been full of them. She was strong, she was funny. She was the best sister for my best friend I could ever ask for, and though I didn't ever say much to her, I've known her since she was the age of my youngest sister. I've seen her grow into such an amazing young girl, that i just wish I knew why she was needed back by our fathers side. But though she lay there lifeless, she was in the room. "I'll see you soon, maylee." I could almost feel her hold me back.

She was in the room. 

Just not in that vessel. 

Rest in beautiful peace, Maylee Christine Anderson. 2/11/1999-5/29/2015. 11:45 A.M. 

I'll see you soon. 

Goodnight

Because I miss someone telling me that every night. So nobody will ever get the last goodnight. 

It's time to stop being sad, she said, because it's that easy. All you've got to do is just man up and jump in the water, because when you've got that many tears, nobody can tell underwater. 

I saw a man outside my window, and I didn't know if he was dying or living. But he was breaking down in the middle of the day, and I suddenly felt like I knew him. 

I've been thinking too much

God please send me a sign that someone's there. Because it's 12:14 AM, and I'm giving up, and my chest is swollen from breathing in the same old air. Please send me someone, because it's 12:16 AM and I'm giving up. 

Please give me help, because it's 1:30 AM and I'm giving up.

I'm a GØNER

Even when I'm having he best night of my life, every note reminds me of you, and how I just want to bring you flowers every day until the day I die. I wanna be known by you. Don't let me be gone. 

Don't let me be gone. 

Don't let me be 

truce

I made a prømise tø sømeøne I've never met, because he asked me tø stay alive, and nø matter høw hard I try, ør høw much I lie tø myself, I just prømised him I wøuldn't die. And every night he saves my life, because if it weren't før this music, I døn't know høw I would have føught this. 

Rain

It's raining, and I begin to lose track of which is my tears, and which is the rain running down my face. 

And as it pelts my car as peaceful as it sounds, it holds my fears with a grip tighter than my chest. 

The rain says: We are so much bigger than our fears, but we always cower beneath them, we see them, we always try to flee them, but the truth is that we can step on them, because they're just spiders and our shoes that carry us through the streets are almost an unfair advantage.