Change me.

What is wrong with me? Why is this war being waged inside my head, covering the sands of the deserts in my mind with the blood of expired feelings and dried up hopes for the future? 

When will this war be done? Because I have been waving my white flag for years now, and the enemy inside is not taking prisoners. 

I always think I find someone new, and my overthinking mind just examines it from every angle until it's no longer of importance to me. 

I want to find the end of this hallway, and open the doors to a new life, and a new me, one that isn't constantly changing, constantly switching, emotionally draining, and is a roller-coaster designed for someone with less experience with something so crazy. I'm not sure if I could be a good person without the help of a sudden change of heart. 

I'm not going to be able to do what I want to. I'm not going to be able to be in love.