A painting you had to look at before it happened.

I will take this brush and paint this whole city with the regrets and good memories gone bad. 

I will take this brush and dip it in the red paint of the blood you made me shed. Paint it across my cold lips and draw my smile because you all want to see it. 

I soak it in the brown and golden paint I regret not using over the old used and cruel olive colored paint that made me sad, and paint this regret all over the seminary building. 

I take the brush and wet it with the color of my sorriness for all the times I betrayed my best friends for love. I paint the sunrise over the lake, because I believe that when every artist dies, God lets them paint the sky that night. 

I empty the tube of black paint onto the brush, one drop for each time I didn't go to therapy when I should have, and I paint the Empire State Building. 

I take my love for your eyes that I can't quite remember the color of, and paint over my lawn that same gorgeous color. 

I brush my lungs the color of ash, and paint each pill the color of my suicide  

I color the rain drop by drop, only to have it end up alone, confused, and falling endlessly. 

I paint the basement floor the color of sin and regret. 

I paint my bed sheets the color of the tears that have been shed there. 

I paint my heart with the color of sympathy given by my friends who think they know me. 

I paint my neck a frayed tan, like the rope tied around it, hanging from the sky I painted blue, 

Just so that something could end up well for once. 

I paint my eyes a fluorescent white, so that you don't see right thought them without hurting yourself. 

I color the ground the color of my dead skin, so I can blend in as I lay down with my could-have-beens and I granted wishes. 

And when I take a step back, I look to see that all of these confusing colors and patters are all just so close together and so mixed up, that they appear as an ugly brown to the naked eye. 

And that's when I realize that I fucked up.