The happiest days of our lives.

I want to be a kid again. 

I want to be able to create an entire movie with just the things in my bedroom, and two action figures. 

I want to be able to use my bed as the edge of a never ending pit of doom, rather than the only place I can feel somewhat safe from my misery. 

I want to have to worry about my best friend not being able to play today, instead of worrying about my best friend killing themself. 

I want to go down the slide and use it as the safe zone in freeze tag, instead of using my head as a safe zone from the war inside my chest.

I want to pull the trigger of a pellet gun, rather than resist pulling the trigger on the real one. 

I want to worry about what shirt I'll wear to school instead of what mask I'll wear to hang out in the basement of my friends' house. 

I want to be creative again. I want to write novels, not suicide letters. 

I want to smile at cute girls, not my ex girlfriend. 

But I have to. Or I'll seem weak. 

I want to draw on lined paper again, not the inside of my arm. 

I want to like pizza again. 

I want to stop worrying about getting that pretty girl to like me. 

I don't want to be the only sad one out of all my happy friends in their relationships. 

I don't want to be a seventh wheel anymore. 

I want someone to watch the movie with. 

I want to watch toy story in my basement again. 

And not watch the insides of my eyelids as I make decisions I'll regret in my basement. 

I want to worry about what game I'll play at recess, rather than the game I'm playing with this beautiful woman. 

I want to worry about what I'm having for lunch, instead of whether or not I'm getting into heaven. 

I want this feeling in my stomach to be from eating too much junk food instead of loneliness punching me right in the gut. 

I want to love someone who will love me. Is that so hard to ask for? Someone who cares?