I love the pain.

I love you, and I've said it a thousand times. And I'll keep saying it until you love me back. I love that pain I get when I hear you say you don't feel anything right now. It's a fucking awful pain, but it really stings the cuts nicely. A scream that let's the ghost inside me out. 

I love the way you don't show your emotions. It really fucks with my poor lunatic head, and it's better than downing a bottle of 85% alcohol. 

I love the way you tell me I was never there. It's almost as good as that rusted, stained blade dragging across my dry flesh. Almost. 

It makes my ears bleed the blood of Christ to hear you say that I didn't treat you right, when I tried my God damned hardest to be the best human being I could be.  

I love the way you tell me you won't ever want to kiss me again by the way in acting. It just makes me want to put more and more red tape over this mask, so that maybe you'll want to kiss me again. Kiss my gaping wounds. Kiss my lips and rip my heart straight out of the fucking dirt you buried it under, only to cram it back down my throat and make me suffocate with your love. 

I just want to hold you one more time in my cold naked arms. Let me cuddle you and kiss that muscle on your shoulder that turns you on, so you say. 

Let me turn you on one more time, and feel those perfect hands on my chest as you breathe heavily into my ears, sending those spine tingling chills down my back that tell me you love me. Let me get you in the dark eternal night one last time. 

Let me sin with you one more time. Let us commit that one of the seven deadly sins again. Because you made me feel alive every time your naked body touched mine. I felt complete and worth something. And I just want to feel that again. I just want to feel something. Anything but pain. 

Anything.